Busy trying to put my Divorce behind me!

Hello Ladies,

I am busy trying to finally after a year long battle in court with my now religious Ex Husband.  I am trying to put my Divorce behind me, I cant say that I am happy or proud of our Divorce.  I believe its really a shame two people after 35 years of marriage could not come to some meeting of the minds and believe it was in God hands and we just did not belong together.  In the end I had hoped we could have remain on speaking terms but he has become very hostile towards me and suddenly realized we are now divorced so he cut off all contact with me.  I am totally ok with this as long as it can be forever as I have been hurt by him for my next several life times LOL.

I do however wish him well and that God watch over him and would  never wish him any harm as that is just not me.  He remains the Father of my two boys and I pray he does not cut them off as well because that is usually a tactic he will use to try and hurt me.  I am no longer angry with him and currently just dealing with the pain of it all.  Losing my home, animals, and material things is not easy by any means.  Life does however go on and much better is awaking me I am open to what is possible.

I have began working on my new Ebook about my Healing process, what I  have learned from Meditation and Self healing.

a few things covered in my book are:

Healing Your Soul the power of  Stones and Crystals
Using Your Angels and Guides for help
Daily Mirror Work
Developing your Higher Self and Energy Field
Eating for the Living Being

I will post a few entries on here as well for everyone to read...

According to my religion God will destroy me and my boys because l never committed adultery and l divorced on grounds of mental cruelty so l have a price to now pay back to God. Its why l believe religion is just a form of mind control. I don't believe a God of pure love is going to punish me because l was born a sinner. Sinning is our lesson our soul advances by following its destiny. With God ALL things are possible. Its all about our power of belief, God gave us a mind and the free will not to serve him out of fear, but from a position of love, because God at least the one I believe in is Eternal Love, he says Love covers a multitude of sin, so why is my sin any different? I was born as a sinner into this matrix. I love God because his love for mankind is perfect we can never match or come even close to it but we know how we love and how powerful love is so Gods love has to be a thousand times greater then what mere humans can even imagine. God gives the greatest gifts out of no way and no how things change and the sun comes out again and again.

Updates on Styles for Growth

I have some updated pics to share with you... My hair has been growing and I have been using protected styling but due to my low funds I have not been able to manage getting Hair products like I was when I was married so my Styles have had to stay in my hair longer and you will see I have barely grown back to my 16 inche length.

I did a Braid Style for about 2 months and these are a few of those pictures.




Protected Style Twisty Buns, will last for about 4 days in my Hair.  They are just bantu nots with ends tucked inside.

It was 60 days of Braids and I was getting board with styling so I had these twisty buns in for a little bit while wearing braids.

I put in 3 Twisty Buns for up to 4 days at a time.  I still wear this style because its a loose fitting style that does not pull my hair.

Braid Bun, I left these braids in for a while and did everything to my hair with them in there, it is a nice style to wear I love it because I dont have to spend a lot of time on my hair in the mornings.

Braids for 60 days... they were looking pretty ratty by the end LOL, but I left them in, I want to do Two Strand Twist for about 60 Days which I will do when I have the time to put them in, these braids too me a Week to get in my head, and like almost 2 weeks to get out of my heard LOL. I may go and just have it professionally braided.

 I will not be blowing my hair out for at least a year so there will be no pictures of my hair Stright for a long time to come but, it is growing and I am looking forward to continuing sharing the info.

I will show in my length when my hair is wet those updates are coming soon. 

Thanks for watching.

I know I have been MIA Ladies but I had some issues...

Sad to say I chose to end my long Marriage of 30 years, to the Man I believed was my life partner on Gods green Earth. It was a long time coming and I am very sadden over this out come. Its really a shame two people just can't work things out and come to some kind of an agreement after so many years of Marriage.

I realize most Woman my age hitting 50 would have just stayed and its really what a lot of Men and Woman do even though they are not happy in their relationship, they just end up hating each other by the time they are in their 50s and 60s. I watched my Mom suffer for many years of being unhappy and lived out a very miserable existence of many fights and arguing, trust issues and finally to live alone because she could no longer take the pain she got free at the age of 65 and died shortly there after due to illness.

I lived with the fear of this same out come and though I did get free I still feel all the guilt and shame of a Divorce and feeling like I failed my two Boys some how by not sticking by their Father no matter what.

It is however my deepest belief the God wants all of us to be Happy... and we were not. We continued to grow apart over the last 8 years. All relationships/marriage take work on both parts, I am also to blame and maybe I could have done more, but at the time just did not know what else to do. The marriage ended many years ago, he has his own world and I was always sorta like his side kick, my life was my Children, Home and Animals. When we worked together we did have a Beautiful Relationship and Life please don't think I stayed for 30 years without being in Love because I was. Once we grew a part I threw myself in to many different Home Business ideas to fill the void, as things continued to fall apart I began to see more and more anger in him to the day I became fearful of my life and that of my Child, I knew my adult son would be fine but my younger son was suffering.

In a Religious Marriage you just seem to sit back and pray, wish and hope God will make it all better or you can just hang in there until he manages to fix it all. I struggled with forgiving the many hurting and painful things I had suffered over the years and though neither of us cheated it was still a lot of damage we both just could not seem to get past.

Finally on June 13, 2011 I was no longer able to handle the abuse and turmoil for myself or for my child and I filed for a divorce on my own. I ended up with my teenage son moving into a protected Woman and Children's Shelter for 4 Months before we moved into an apartment of our own. My soon to be Exhusband is still not excepting of the whole concept and idea of me leaving and wants me back home and refuses to pay support so its not easy being out of work for some 9 years in this economy. Its what eventually brought me to relying on God, Jesus, Universe and my Angels and Spirit Guides, learning how to Meditate, Manifest and stay focus on my future and yes I am writing a Blog about that too.

Its now May and I still suffer many tearful nights alone, and still miss my old life of being a Mom and taking care of my home and Animals and my Boys. I am however in a peaceful place where we can both sleep at night without someone roaming around in the dark watching us. There is too much damage at this point we both need to move on.

The lesson learned here is a Marriage is suppose to get better with time just like fine wine, not worse because one person believes this world is evil and its suppose to be difficult until God brings that final day of destruction. Coming out of that doom and gloom was one of the greatest hurtles of my life besides losing my 5 year old son to cancer. Our Marriage always got worse no matter how hard we tried. I am at a happier place though it will never be easy living my life out alone I am free from the demands and the controls and now I can make my own choices.

Its not easy and I do miss my old life and my older Son whom I got to see on a daily basis and now I rarely ever see at all, my Nephew how came to live with us, my Home, my Animals and being the Mom of the house, cooking all those big meals yes I do miss the life I had created and I will do it all again soon. I will learn to adjust and mentally be free of the scares for remaining in a bad relationship. I felt guilty I was teaching my Boys to throw in the towel but hey I gave it 30 years y'all and that is a dam long time. I think I showed my Boys to give it their all and after that... its all you can do.

Some times we have to say good bye to the life we thought we had.

Look for my new Hair Pics and Tips coming soon!